I enjoy all four seasons of the year – ok, well maybe not so much the heat and humidity of summer in the South 😊 – but I especially love fall! The vibrant colors, the cool crisp mornings, and the start of sweater weather usher us into the last quarter of the year. While this is a beautiful season with lots of festivities and several major holidays, it can also be one of the most stressful times in the workplace and in our personal lives. Project deadlines, quarterly or end-of-year metrics to achieve, or last-minute requests to take on additional work are common. Requests to attend social functions, host events, or plan family gatherings are abundant in our personal lives. This is the time of year when we are most susceptible to overcommitment.

Many of us often feel as though we have way too much on our “to do” lists and way too little time. Unconsciously, we can easily get caught up in the “be all things to all people” syndrome by saying yes too often. Our nature is to please. Saying yes to requests from bosses, coworkers, and even family members often feels obligatory. When we say yes to requests that we know we really can’t manage successfully or don’t want to do, we become overwhelmed. Then we feel frustrated and regret saying yes. Then, we stew over whether we can meet the request in a timely manner with a quality outcome. This starts a vicious cycle of stress and puts us in an unhealthy mindset and state of being.

For some, saying no can be difficult. We often feel guilty and not like team players when we do. We fear adverse consequences of some sort from our bosses or coworkers and possibly alienation or discord from family or friends. Yet, it is important to say no to protect our priorities and well-being. We jeopardize the quality of our work and other expectations in the workplace or at home if we don’t understand and prioritize our individual boundaries. When we fail to say no, we end up hurting ourselves. Ultimately, we overextend ourselves, and we undermine our ability to perform at our best – be it at work or at home.

Yes, you can say no in a very professional and respectful manner. Not only will doing so help to preserve your individual boundaries, but it will also assist you in staying focused and engaged in a timely manner on your priorities. You don’t always have to provide a reason when you say no. Most individuals can accept a response of “no” without perceiving it as rude or feeling offended.

The most crucial aspect of confidently saying no to a request is to first be clear in identifying and prioritizing your individual or personal boundaries. Knowing yourself, your capacity and capabilities, your values, and what is of utmost importance to you helps to clarify and confirm your individual boundaries. Embracing your healthy work and personal boundaries with a clear separation between the two should help you enjoy a more balanced and satisfying holiday season.

When you say no:

Know your boundaries. Ensure you are clear on your priorities in the workplace and in your personal space.
Be straightforward. Say no in a brief and clear manner. Embrace silence after you share your decision. If you appear to waffle and use verbiage such as “let me think about it” or “well maybe,” you allow others to perceive that you are easily influenced or persuaded.
Offer a simple reason. There is absolutely no need to justify your decision. You want the other person to understand and accept your decision. Sharing a brief comment along with your “no” can reinforce a respectful and professional approach.
Negotiate or propose an alternative. There may be other ways to meet the request. Negotiating a different approach or offering an alternative that maintains your individual boundaries may be appreciated. Offering other ideas allows you to be seen as a team player and wanting to be supportive without being dismissive of the request or the requester.
Stand your ground. You want others to be clear that you said no. You do not want to be perceived as easily manipulated. It’s ok to feel confident in your decision.

Here are a few examples of requests and responses that you may find helpful in thinking through how to frame your no’s:

Examples in the workplace:

Last minute requests for special reports or projects
- That sounds like an amazing project. I’m committed to several critical deadlines right now and don’t have any additional capacity. Maybe I can help you in the future.
Unplanned assignments with very tight timelines
- I’d be happy to take this on if you are able to reprioritize my existing workload.
Being asked to stay late to meet the demands of the holiday rush
- I’m sorry, I have a prior commitment this evening.
Expectations of going to Happy Hour with the gang after work
- Thank you for the invite but I have plans with my family this evening. I’d love to go next time!

Examples in a personal space:

Being asked to host the office party or a family gathering in your home
- I wish I could host everyone at my house, but I’m not able to do that. How can I help you find an alternative location?
Being asked to meet friends for dinner at a new and pricey restaurant
- I’d love to go with you at a future date. My budget can’t handle that right now.
Family or friends plan a celebration with multiple activities for the day without asking for any input
- Wow, you’ve really done a lot of work on this! I look forward to being there for brunch and the movie immediately after. I’ll be leaving at 3:00 to spend some quality time with the kids at home. Thank you!

As this year comes to a close, I want to challenge you to think through your professional and personal boundaries. Are you clear on what they are? Think about how to put yourself first and protect those boundaries without sacrificing your success. Hopefully, as you gain confidence in saying NO, you will now be able to say YES to what truly matters!! I wish you the Happiest of Holidays!!

Until next time. Muse on…

Yes, Say No!!!

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